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To be with regard to emotions free you can’t stay naïve when it comes to relationships. Some humans are positive and mood elevating. Others may suck the optimisti feeling that all is going to turn out well and serenity right out of you. Vampires do more than drain your physical energy. The super-malignant ones may make you believe you’re an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn’t is worthy of better. The subtler species inflict harm by making littler digs which may make you feel bad regarding yourself-for instance, “Dear, I see you’ve put on a few pounds” or “You’re overly sensitive!” Suddenly they’ve thrown you with regard to emotions off-center by prodding your areas of shaky self-worth. To protect your sensitivity, it’s necessary to name and combat these vampires. The conception struck such a collective chord in my second book that in my latest one I illustrate how it applies to protecting your emotions and not absorbing other people’s negativity. In it I talk about these vampires to watch for and ways to deal with them. Signs that You’ve Encountered an Emotional Vampire o Your eyelids are heavy-you’re ready for a nap Tips on How to Recognize an Emotional Vampire and Protect Yourself Vampire #1: The Narcissist Their motto is “Me first.” Everything is all when it comes to them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, hog attention, and crave admiration. They’re dangerous because they lack empathy and have a fixed capacity for unconditional love. If you don’t do things their way, they become punishing, withholding, or cold. How to Protect Your Emotions: Keep your expected values realistic. These are with regard to emotions fixed people. Try not to fall in love with one or suppose them to be selfless or love without strings attached. Never make your self-worth dependent on them or confide your deepest sensations to someone who won’t cherish them. To with great success communicate, the hard truth is that you ought to show how something will be to their benefit. Though it’s better not to have to contend with this tedious ego stroking, if the kinship is unavoidable use the above systems to achieved desired results. Vampire #2: The Victim These vampires grate on you with their “poor-me’ attitude and are allergic to taking obligation for their actions. The world is always versus them, the reason for their unhappiness. When you offer a solution to their troubles they always say, “Yes, but.” You might end up screening your calls or deliberately refrain from them. As a friend, you may want to aid but their tales of woe overwhelm you. How to Protect Your Emotions: Set kind but firm limits. Listen briefly and tell a friend or relative, “I love you but I may only listen for a few minutes unless you want to talk about solutions. Then I’d be thrilled to brainstorm with you.” With a coworker, listen briefly, sympathize by saying, “I’ll keep good thought for things to work out. Then say, I hope you understand, but I’m on deadline and ought to go back to work. Then use “this isn’t a good time” body language such as crossing your arms and breaking eye contact to help set these healthful limits. Vampire #3: The Controller These people obsessively undertake to control you and dictate what you’re supposed to be and feel. They have an sentiment in regards to everything. They’ll control you by invalidating your emotions if they don’t fit into their rulebook. They often times start out sentences with “You recognise what you need?” and then proceed to tell you. You end up sentiment dominated, demeaned, or put down. How to Protect Your Emotions: The mystery to success is never try and control a controller. Be healthily assertive, but don’t tell them what to do. You may say, “I value your counsel but in truth need to work through this myself.” Be convinced but don’t play the victim or sweat the little stuff. Focus on high priority issues rather than on putting the cap on the toothpaste. Vampire #4: The Splitter or Borderline Personality Splitters see things as either good or bad and have love/hate relationships. One minute they idealize you, the next you’re the enemy if you disturb them. They have a sixth sense for knowing how to pit persons versus each another and will retaliate if they feel you have wronged them. They are persons who are basically damaged-inwardly they feel as if they don’t subsist and become alive when they get angry. They’ll keep you on an aroused rollercoaster and you may walk on eggshells to keep out of the way of their anger. How to Protect Your Emotions: Stay calm. Don’t react when your buttons get pushed. Splitters feed off of anger. They respond best to structure and limit setting. If one goes into a rage, tell the person, “I’m leaving until you get calmer. Then we may talk.” Refuse to take sides when he or she tries to turn you versus an individual else. With family members, it’s best to show a merged front and not let a splitter’s venomous views poison your relationships. |
Most helpful customer reviews
116 of 119 people found the following review helpful.
compelling anecdotal report
By A
If you’re a sensitive person with any sort of empathic experiences (picking up on other people’s emotional states, sometimes so strongly that it’s detrimental to your own peace of mind), you will be fascinated by this book– as I was. There is no doubt in my mind that what Mesich describes is possible, because my own experiences are similar, though I’m not as vulnerable to other’s emotions as she is. The idea that this empathic ability might contribute to recurring depression was a mind-blower to me, but immediately obvious once it was pointed out. It has completely shifted my own approach to dealing with depression, with very positive results (in the six weeks since I read it). *However*, if you share this book with your non-sensitive friends and family members, be prepared to endure skepticism and even ridicule. It’s pretty “out there” for people who haven’t had similar experiences. In fact, my only major objection to the book is that she writes as someone from “inside” the alternative medical field, without an objective standpoint to explain or defend her statements in a way that will stand up to those who by default, automatically dismiss anything not backed up by randomized double-blind studies with p of less than…whatever. 
For people of this ilk, I’d recommend starting with one of Elaine Aron’s books instead.
59 of 59 people found the following review helpful. I purchased some more of the “protection” flower essences she recommends, and each worked in a different way, but they made my health even stronger, I had more energy, I had less headaches, etc. It was only after my health improved that I was able to notice my extreme sensitivity to certain things, such as noise, and negative people. I had been so ill most of the time, that I didn’t know what my triggers were. My health had simply been overwhelmed. I’ve made more physical progress in 3 months than in the last 20 years, and all because of this book. It would take pages to describe all the changes in my body and health that have happened, and are still happening. If you or anyone you know is perpetually ill with one thing or another, ***get this book and try it***. 45 of 45 people found the following review helpful. Dr. Mesich believes that sensitivity is an issue of our times; it touches all types of personalities, ages, economic levels–it crosses all boundaries, and is therefore confusing to psychologists and people in general. People who work as nurses, doctors, health practitioners, teachers, lawyers, counselors–all people who try to impact other people in a positive way–are especially susceptible to experiencing dysfunctional effects of empathy if they are not aware of the phenomenon. Additionally, emotional sensitivity is more often activated in situations with people who mirror our own emotional pain or psychological issues. By not understanding the nature of sensitivity, it can result in recurrent anxiety or depression. This book, containing actual case examples of empathic children and adults, provides valuable insight and explanations for many people who have not yet discovered the source of their emotional pain. Various chapters focus on how to ease empathy so it does not feel painfully overwhelming, how to be more aware of empathic communication–which will prevent confusion with one’s own emotions–and how to positively develop empathy for the useful information it can provide. This is a very readable book containing illuminating, useful, and, for many people, comforting and healing information. The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide An Alternative Health Pic The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide An Alternative Health Picture The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide An Alternative Health Pic The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide An Alternative Health Pic The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide An Alternative Health Pic The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide An Alternative Health Picture Similar Products To The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide An Alternative Health
Didn’t know I was sensitive, but I was always sick.
By K. Conner
I would like to add my story to the other comments. I never thought that I was a highly sensitive person when I picked up this book, but I have been sick my entire life (migraines, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, etc. etc. etc.)and have tried just about everything to make my life less painful. I decided to try the primary flower essence of Yarrow, per Dr. Mesich’s recommendation. Within 2 days I started noticing dramatic changes in my health. I mean, really bizarre and unexpected changes. For example, I have always suffered from night sweats, and they vanished. It was usually painful to take a shower and shampoo because my skin was too sensitive, and all of a sudden my skin no longer felt raw. I have always worn glacier sunglasses, because my eyes hurt, even on a cloudy day, and that symptom vanished also.
Developing Positive Sensitivity
By Jann
The biggest question sensitive people have is, why are they so sensitive, why do they react so differently to the world than the “average” person? In her book, The Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, Dr. Kyra Mesich effectively tackles that question, and also provides information for living with the empathic abilities that are inherent in all of us. Based on her own personal experiences of debilitating sensitivity while working as a psychologist, she discovered that visualization, meditation and flower essence therapy are crucial components in the development of positive sensitivity and empathy.
The Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: An Alternative Health Answer to Emotional Sensitivity & Depression
The Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: An Alternative Health Answer to Emotional Sensitivity & Depression
The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World (Step-By-Step Guides)
Help Your Boss Gain "People Skills" (an employee’s survival guide)
344 Questions: The Creative Person’s Do-It-Yourself Guide to Insight, Survival, and Artistic Fulfillment (Voices That Matter)
The Highly Sensitive Person’s Workbook
Help Is On Its Way: A Memoir About Growing Up Sensitive
The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You
The Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide:
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
Dr. Mesich’s book was extremely helpful to me by providing a guide post for the incredible feelings that would pop up from nowhere. It has given me an anchor when those feelings come up to be able to tap into what is mine and what is outside of me. The flower essences that she recommends have been an adjunct in both grounding myself and clearing the anxiety and depression that pervaded my life.
Developing Positive Sensitivity
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
The biggest question sensitive people have is, why are they so sensitive, why do they react so differently to the world than the “average” person? In her book, The Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, Dr. Kyra Mesich effectively tackles that question, and also provides information for living with the empathic abilities that are inherent in all of us. Based on her own personal experiences of debilitating sensitivity while working as a psychologist, she discovered that visualization, meditation and flower essence therapy are crucial components in the development of positive sensitivity and empathy.
Dr. Mesich believes that sensitivity is an issue of our times; it touches all types of personalities, ages, economic levels–it crosses all boundaries, and is therefore confusing to psychologists and people in general. People who work as nurses, doctors, health practitioners, teachers, lawyers, counselors–all people who try to impact other people in a positive way–are especially susceptible to experiencing dysfunctional effects of empathy if they are not aware of the phenomenon. Additionally, emotional sensitivity is more often activated in situations with people who mirror our own emotional pain or psychological issues. By not understanding the nature of sensitivity, it can result in recurrent anxiety or depression.
This book, containing actual case examples of empathic children and adults, provides valuable insight and explanations for many people who have not yet discovered the source of their emotional pain. Various chapters focus on how to ease empathy so it does not feel painfully overwhelming, how to be more aware of empathic communication–which will prevent confusion with one’s own emotions–and how to positively develop empathy for the useful information it can provide. This is a very readable book containing illuminating, useful, and, for many people, comforting and healing information.
A totally different perspective
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
Many people are aware of the symptoms of depression, and the prevailing strategies to alleviate these symptoms. We are constantly being urged to ask our doctor to prescribe anti-depression medication. But this perspective only reinforces the idea that depression is a liability to be suppressed.
Dr. Mesich offers a totally different perspective. Dr. Mesich has discovered that people who suffer from the symptoms of depression tend to be sensitive to the emotions of other people. In this book, Dr. Mesich challenges the reader to think of emotional sensitivity as a gift to be nurtured, and offers the reader several strategies to achieve this goal.
Long on introduction, short on strategies
Rating:2 out of 5 stars
I enjoyed this book and very much “empathized” with the subject matter, but was so surprized when the book just ended and I had not really learned much about further strategies in dealing with empathetic ability. I was amazed that flower essences were the first strategy given by this professional, but still trying to keep an open mind. I was quite annoyed the book just ended and now I will need to search more for more advanced handling of this topic. I would suggest that anyone who reads the book, identifies with this trait, has to remember that this ability is a great gift. The best strategy I have found to accept, live with and really enjoy this ability, is to spend alot of time and effort in increasing your spiritual identities (NOT RELIGIOUS !!!). Spirituality is YOUR relationship with God, and Religion is experienceing someone else’s relationship with God….quite a difference. The flower essenses therapy I feel is a way to mute the empathy that needs to be accepted, nurtured and not medicated out of your life. I cannot imagine taking anything foreign that would mute this most precious gift….like taking an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety pill. Sure, if you can’t handle this gift, maybe you need these aids, but once embraced, you really can’t get through the day without that wonderful guidance your own spirit is providing you. So, this book is OK for the beginning on their quest for self-understanding, but it certainly does not present enough strategies to help empathic veterans.
An eye-opening book!
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
Although I knew basically what the book would discuss, I was still surprised when I read it. It has a lot of really interesting ideas and very helpful tips and suggestions. This book is worth getting and keeping. I have already seen success in my daily life using the wisdom I gained from the book. It also is easy to read, has a personal tone, and plenty of good stories from the author’s own life to illustrate points.
Feels right to me!
Rating:4 out of 5 stars
Dr. Mesich’s book is concise, articulate and to the point. Through her own experience as a psychologist, she began “taking on” as her own the emotions of some of her clients; she didn’t recognize her empathetic nature, nor fully understand its implications. She was in the perfect training ground with her practice. Those of us who have struggled with an empathic nature, gain from Dr. Mesich’s growth and understanding of what empathy is all about. Best of all we don’t have to slog through a tome to find some suggestions as to how to heal our boundaries and move to embracing the positive aspects of empathy. I haven’t tried the flower essences yet, so can’t speak to that. I understand it has helped many, and been ineffective for a few. In my mind, her meditations are geared to the beginner, which is good in the long run. As a spiritually seasoned woman, I’m most interested in the flower essence information and her writing about empathy in general. If you don’t suffer from long term depression, don’t be put off by that word in the title as I almost was. You don’t have to suffer from long bouts of depression to benefit from Dr. Mesich’s words. I highly recommend the book.
FREEDOM FROM PAIN AT LAST?
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
This slim paperback offers a real prospect of an end to suffering–or, at least,of greatly diminished suffering–for empaths (emotional sensitives), their family and friends.
Most people have some empathic feelings,although our society encourages the suppression of those feelings. If you are an empath to a high degree–that is, if you have marked empathic feelings– chances are you know it already. At least, you are aware that SOMETHING sets you apart from most others. You may feel as if you are carrying around the misery of the world, at the very least. In fact, you are likely picking up the pain of others as if it were your own. From time to time the burden may overwhelm you. Or you may just live in a depressed state most of the time.
Dr. Kyra Mesich, author of “The Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide,” was forced to come to terms with the fact that she was an empath when the trait “put the skids” under her budding career as a practicing psychologist. She found she was experiencing her patients’ symptoms and problems right along with them. This she learned when they came in for their appointments and recounted their thoughts to her.
Forced to quit working in her field and take a retail job, Dr. Mesich determined to research empathy until she understood how the phenomenon could be controlled and turned to good purposes. This small work represents part of her answer. The course she recommends involves flower essences and meditation.
Unorthodox such a course may be. Still, no one who has ever been overwhelmed by empathy–and that includes this writer–would ever dismiss it out of hand. It may not offer a “one size fits all” solution for the problem, but those it DOES help will have reason to be deeply grateful.
Didn’t know I was sensitive, but I was always sick.
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
I would like to add my story to the other comments. I never thought that I was a highly sensitive person when I picked up this book, but I have been sick my entire life (migraines, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, etc. etc. etc.)and have tried just about everything to make my life less painful. I decided to try the primary flower essence of Yarrow, per Dr. Mesich’s recommendation. Within 2 days I started noticing dramatic changes in my health. I mean, really bizarre and unexpected changes. For example, I have always suffered from night sweats, and they vanished. It was usually painful to take a shower and shampoo because my skin was too sensitive, and all of a sudden my skin no longer felt raw. I have always worn glacier sunglasses, because my eyes hurt, even on a cloudy day, and that symptom vanished also.
I purchased some more of the “protection” flower essences she recommends, and each worked in a different way, but they made my health even stronger, I had more energy, I had less headaches, etc. It was only after my health improved that I was able to notice my extreme sensitivity to certain things, such as noise, and negative people. I had been so ill most of the time, that I didn’t know what my triggers were. My health had simply been overwhelmed.
I’ve made more physical progress in 3 months than in the last 20 years, and all because of this book. It would take pages to describe all the changes in my body and health that have happened, and are still happening.
If you or anyone you know is perpetually ill with one thing or another, ***get this book and try it***.
Good start – looking for something more.
Rating:3 out of 5 stars
I have been doing a lot of research on Empathy and Intuition the past few years and requested this book due to its rating. I seem to show all the signs of being empathic but still can’t quite figure out how to determine if I am, in fact, intuitive or just experiencing my own intense feelings.
I was looking for more clinical substance and “How To”, since it is a “Survival Guide”, than the personal backstory, generic & very brief case studies, and seemingly random & incomplete details about Flower Essences.
Good ideas without a lot to back it up.
Rating:2 out of 5 stars
It’s a short book with some interesting ideas… but sadly I found it to be poorly written with no real good facts/research or truly convincing stories to back up the ideas.
She talks about empathy as an underused form of communication and that many people with more natural empathic abilities are often overstimulated and bombarded with emotions from people around them. I like that basic idea, and maybe I would have been happier with the book if the writing didn’t seem so.. I don’t know… elementary. For someone with a Doctorate, I just wasn’t convinced that she was really all that educated.
Besides the fact that her writing lacked any imagination or flair, she seemed to continually repeat her ideas in the most simplistic way without really giving a whole lot of background or foundation to her ideas.
She talked about using flower essences to help get your empathy back in equilibrium… but didn’t really explain well enough to me how they work, and the history behind the idea. I find it hard to buy into new age ideas like flower essences with out someone explaining to me WHERE the concept came from. If it’s been handed down through generations of medicine men, that would have been enough. But just expecting me to buy into the idea on blind faith based on her book is too much to ask.
She also talked about using meditation, which I whole heartedly agree in… but once again, she didn’t explain the history of how meditation for dealing with empathy has developed and where the practices she urges the reader to try come from.
Oh well, it WAS a cheep used book and I pretty much just used it as an add on to the other book I bought from the same vender so I didn’t pay much for shipping. I just wish I’d invested my time and money in a different book. Now I’ve got to decide how I want to get rid of the thing… I don’t think I’d even lend it to a friend because I really didn’t find it helpful enough to share.
A Huge Disappointment!!!`
Rating:1 out of 5 stars
There was virtually nothing helpful in this book. I expected substance, not “flower essences”. If you are looking for helpful information in dealing with the sensitive trait, this is not the book for you.
Right Track, Wrong Train of Thought
Rating:2 out of 5 stars
I’m happy this book was of some help to others; however, it was not of much use to me. The author starts off with personal experiences of pain and illness that were very familiar to me. I thought I had found someone who understood, and even better, a treatment method that might actually work. Don’t get me wrong, her theory that certain illnesses might be linked to empathy makes a great deal of sense to me. It’s her recommended treatment, the use of flower essences, that seemed to fall short (again, I’m only speaking of myself; if it works for you, fantastic!) In my case, the flower essences made me so ill that I was forced to seek traditional medical attention. Also, her recommendation of meditation makes a great deal of sense – but don’t put it off until after you’ve used the flower essences, as the author recommends. The sooner you can get a grip on your stress level, rampant emotions, and overactive empathy, the better.
With all due respect to the author and to the people she has helped, I cannot in good conscience recommend this book.
Awesome!
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
This book was a huge step towards my healing process. The awareness to my gifts. I always viewed my sensitivity as a defect, today I know differently. I am so blessed to have Dr.Mesich sharing her gifts through her own life experience. This book is very simple & allowed me to heal, the alternative way, which for me is the natural way, allowing myself to be gentle through the process. Meditation,flower essences have opened my emotional world to a whole new me, a woman who is healing her pain, reconnection of my mind & body & allowing me to be that Goddess I have so longed to be and I thank you for being in my journey. Blessings
Great Resource For Empathic or Highly Sensitive Individuals
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
I am empathic, a gift I’ve rarely shared with my husband and have hidden from my friends. Dr. Meisch’s years of research, along with her openness about her personal experiences, answered many of my questions, assured me of my sanity, and offered understanding, acceptance and protection at a time I desperately needed it. Thank you Dr. Meisch! For those who are suffering from their sensitivity but want to avoid “woo-woo” books, this one felt very mainstream, even though the subject matter is not.
Patricia Kaminski Flower Essence Repertory
Managing Empathy for Mental and Emotional Health
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
When the world bogs you down too easily you are an empath. You take on other people’s emotions and your internal anchor is easily thrown by strong feelings around you. If you have difficulty distinguishing between your emotions and that of others you need to shield yourself. This is what is meant by energetic boundaries. Don’t be prey to others emotions and manage your own. These are great techniques and an arsenol against too much of other people’s stuff.